Sunday, June 14, 2015

Dealing with a Marriage in Crisis

Marriage isn't easy, even in the best of times.  But in the worst of times--when a marriage is going through a period of difficulty--marriage can be quite demanding.  This is why divorce is so common nowadays.  There is, however, a method in which a couple can deal with a marriage in crisis.

This method works no matter what type of crisis the couple is hit with, whether it is a death or illness in the family, a natural disaster, trouble with the law, problems with children, or some other type of issue.

How can couples deal with a critical juncture in their marriage?  The basic method involves having a plan in place ahead of time, before such an eventuality occurs.  In other words, the couple needs to know how to handle an emergency or urgent problem before any type of predicament happens.  The tactics outlined below will suffice for most couples in working out most any type of critical situation.  By following these suggestions, couples should be able to deal with any marriage crisis as it arises.

--Do not blame each other for the circumstances or situation that you are in.  Blaming does not solve anything, and it could make things worse as it can increase hostility between the two of you.  Instead, be in control of your own actions and be supportive of your spouse's needs.

--Try to lower your expectations of how everyday life should function when dealing with a marriage predicament.  For example, you may need to eat meals out more often rather than cooking at home as you usually would.  Or, you may have to let the housekeeping slide if there isn't time to handle the regular daily upkeep of the home.

Do not expect your spouse to pick up your slack as far as everyday life activities go; instead, consider hiring outside help or asking friends for assistance.  By not placing extra work on your spouse, the difficult period in your life will likely be less traumatic because you will be able to rely on your spouse for support.

--Make sure that you are communicating well with your spouse.  Do not use harsh language when speaking; rather, use calm, patient wording.  Speak to your spouse as you would like your spouse to speak to you.  Without good, strong communication, a marriage crisis can turn into material for a divorce--and this is definitely not what anyone wants.  So, be open-minded when having discussions and be sure to listen to your spouse's point of view.  Above all else, be able to forgive and move on if there are any issues with miscommunication.

--Approach the situation together.  A marriage in crisis is a problem for the couple, not for one spouse or the other; therefore, both people in the marriage need to work together in order to be able to get past the trauma.  Working together can mean facing the problem as one or it can mean getting therapy as a couple; this will depend upon the exact crisis that the couple is having.

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Confiding Your Spouse’s Affair - Dangers Involved in Sharing Your Spouse’s Affair

Should You Tell Your Confidante About Your Cheating Spouse?

When you come to know of an affair of your spouse, you tend to become weak emotionally. You become highly suggestible.  While being in this state of mind, you may also have an urge to share your feelings with a confidante. This may appear normal but you must be aware of the dangers involved in talking to a third person, however close he or she is to you, about the affair of your spouse. What are these dangers?

1)      Being in a state of emotional overflow, you may spill out your feelings to the other person. The other person may be understanding but by sharing your confidences with them, you may be violating the trust inherent in your relationship with your spouse. That your spouse has betrayed you will not justify your exposing your spouse to a third person.

2)      There is a chance of your making up with yourspouse, if they repent their action and seek your forgiveness. If this were to happen later, you will curse yourself by talking to a third person about your spouse’s affair. Whenever you meet the confidante, you will think of your indiscretion and feel bad. This may even strain your relationship with your confidants, since you will not feel comfortable facing them.

3)      In the event of your forgiving your cheating spouse and getting back with them, the person your confidante will feel embarrassed whenever they meet your spouse in future, either in your presence or alone.

4)      Your spouse will feel ashamed if they come to know of your exposing their infidelity to a third person. If this happens when there is an effort at reconciliation, it will affect the chances of the reconciliation happening with your spouse getting alienated by your “betrayal” of them.  If this happens after you have got back together, your spouse will feel hurt, angry and let down. Their feelings will be similar to yours when you learn the affair though your confiding your spouse’s affair  in someone is not a serious violation of the trust as your spouse’s affair is!

So, think twice before you decide to talk to someone about your cheating spouse. Have in mind the possibility of your cheating spouse becoming your loving wife soon enough!

Saturday, January 31, 2015

Post-Affair Trauma – Is There A way to Come out of It?

If something can be more painful than coming to know that your partner had an affair, it is  the trauma that follows this revelation. The intensity of this trauma will be as high as the intensity of the one suffered by troopers who have encountered a military combat, the one who has suffered the bereavement of a beloved one and the one that a gets hurt in a severe accident.

This post-affair trauma, in its effects can upset you a lot and give you an idea of how a life in hell could be, if you were ever to experience such a life!

It is worthwhile to understand what happens during the phase of a post-affair trauma? The betrayal by your mate will keep haunting you. You will be full of self pity for having been the victim of the affair. You will fail to perceive things in the correct perspective. Of course, you will be terribly angry with your cheating partner and find it extremely difficult to deal with the situation using conventional approaches.

The post-affair trauma can generate a series of thoughts starting from analyzing the causes for the affair to finding ways to punish the cheating partner. You will keep imagining scenes of your lover being in the embrace of their paramour and even making love to them. These mental images will only torment you even more intensively.

The thoughts and feelings dominating your mind during the time you are in the grip of the post-affair trauma can demoralize you to a great extent but  not assist you in any manner. If you wish to cut off the relationship with your partner, then you will have to initiate steps for formalizing the break with your partner. With the process of breaking up adding to your pain, you will find your suffering becoming even more intensified.

But if your partner genuinely regrets their act of infidelity and wants to forgive them, you may be willing to make up with them. But the unpleasant thoughts that fill your mind during the time you are going through the post-affairs trauma will make the process of reconciliation extremely difficult.

The only way out for you from the post-affair trauma is to make a serious effort at introspection even as you are going through the trauma. The best way to do this is to put your thoughts in writing. Difficult as this exercise may seem, you should force yourself to sit down and put your thoughts and feelings in writing. After sometime, go through tour writing and decide for yourself which thoughts are sensible and which are not. Strike off the thoughts that appear irrational and senseless to you. You will find your mind slowly turning to become tranquil even as your thinking becomes clearer. effective course are going to be, in your own interest. During this process, you need to reaffirm your resolve to not be weakened by emotions but be guided by sensible and empowering thoughts.

The process of coming out of the post-affair trauma is not easy but if you adopt the above approach, you will emerge stronger from the agonizing phase.

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

After the Affair - Are you still haunted by Your Spouse's Affair?

After the affair - What are your thoughts?

When you are constantly thinking about your spouse's affair, you may be living with the pain and agony for a protracted time. What happens once you learn that your spouse has been disloyal to you? You may either choose to go for a reconciliation if your spouse feels sorry and desires to be devoted to you after ending the affair. In either case, the pains caused by the affair are going to be with you for sometime. It is up to you to on how long you are going to live with the obsession and suffer the pain.

If you choose to be dwelling on your spouse’s affair even while forgiving your spouse and deciding to keep the relationship fine, you will be acting unfair towards your spouse. It is a breach of faith on your part to nurture the bitterness caused by your spouse's unfaithfulness even after  you've condoned their act of indiscretion. it's true that the pain will last for sometime just as a pain from an external injury will, during the time  the wound is healing. However you've got to observe whether or not your pain subsides over time. In several cases, the intensity of the pain can increase over time. This can be a sign that you simply haven't been able to reconcile yourself to the betrayal suffered by you.

Typically, the obsession along with your spouse's affair can affect your thoughts. You may still be thinking that in spite of being kind to your spouse, you've got been cheated by them. This realization can trigger a sense of anger. Either you can ventilate to the present anger by being immoderately irritable with your spouse  and probably with others too or you can suppress it by concealing your anger and refraining from  showing it.  This suppression may cause your anger to grow over time.

Is there a way to come out of this obsession about the affair your spouse  had had? Yes, there is. First of all understand and accept your feelings. If you discover that you are gripped by feelings of anger and bitterness, tell yourself that you simply have to be rid of them  in your own interest. Whenever you are in the company of  your spouse, consciously {think of the great things about them. Recall the occasions on which they have showered their love on you and have shown their concern for you.

Consciously cultivating positive thoughts about  your spouse can facilitate your getting freed  of your obsession with your spouse's affair.

Saturday, April 19, 2014

Getting Back Together After A Break Up

It is a great thing to get back together with your ex after  a break up. But before you decide to reunite with your ex, you have to ask yourself a simple question.

Why did I break up with my lover and why do I want to get back with them?

I called this a simple question but in reality, it is a complicated question. I called it simple because it looks so obvious. It is complicated because it will force you to consider several issues which you have chosen to ignore in your enthusiasm to get back into the relationship.

Reunion of two lovers can take place due to various reasons. The initiative might have been taken by either of them or by a mutual friend. If you broke away from your lover and after sometime you get a feeler from them or from a friend, you may sometimes blindly accept it without thinking. This will happen if you had no anger or hurt feelings towards your ex. Just because, there is no animosity, you may convince yourself that getting back togetherwith your ex is not a bad idea.

But the underlying factors still remain. After all you broke for some reasons. What will happen to those reasons? You can’t wish them away. A break up gives you pain and the pain may last for a while. So, if you receive a proposal for uniting with your ex, you may readily accept it because of an unconscious urge to come out of the pain.

But when you get back with your ex without finding a solution to the problems that caused your relationship to break in the first place, you will face the prospect of the relationship getting into problems again.

So make it a point to satisfy yourself that the reasons that caused your breaking up with your ex have been addressed and that they are not likely to arise again if you are back in the relationship. Getting backtogether with your ex can come only after this.

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Websites For Relationship Advice-Take Your Pick

There are so many websites for relationship advice on the internet that they are far too many to count or even itemize in this small article.

Suffice it to say that there are plenty to choose from, all you have to do is to start looking. Any one of the search engines will take you to a list of results pages that would take 100 years or more to get through from the first ranked to the last ranked website for relationship advice.

Most likely you have a specific problem or topic that needs to be addressed and you will find no shortage of answers relating to your problem or topic. If you have something specific to discuss or find a solution for, I am sure that the information you will find has helped millions of other readers at one point or another, as well.

This being the case you will feel like you have so much support from the online world that in itself may make you feel better about your situation. If not, then you can glean what information you can from one site and then move on to another.

Every relationship is different and yet can be so similar in the problems that people face each and every day. You will be able to find answers on communication difficulties in relationships, or dating tips, marriage, sex, divorce, and everything in between.

You can even check out sites dedicated to the opposite sex to find out what is being discussed where. You could gain valuable insight into what the opposite sex is thinking and feeling about certain topics.

Do not let yourself get overwhelmed by the myriad information out there. Stick to your guns and only look for, and pay attention to, advice and suggestions about the topic you need help with otherwise you could just get lost and more confused than ever.

There are also many other ways to get the information you so desire:

Forums are great for finding up-to-date information on any number of topics. Someone always wants to help. You could find threads from someone who has gone through the exact same thing you are going through and you could find your answer immediately without having to delve through so much information.

Online dating sites could be a wealth of information. Some do have Q & A or they post articles about any number of topics.

When you go to these websites and you find one that you think you could trust to give you the best information then sign up for their newsletter. This newsletter will be delivered to your email inbox either daily, weekly or biweekly.

Go to any of the article directories and find hundreds of articles devoted to one subject or another. Sift through them all to find what you need.

Frankly, you could do it the old fashioned way and make a trip to your local library. You can find hundreds of books by various authors, known or not, in the self help section.

It is completely up to you how you feel it is best to get your questions answered. Start searching for websites for relationship advice today.

Monday, April 29, 2013

My Girlfriend Dumped Me--Do I Take Her Back

Relationships are complicated, and each one has its own unique issues and concerns.  And, while some relationships stand the test of time, many aren't quite that lucky.  Unfortunately, in some instances a guy just gets dumped by his girl.  Maybe she has found another guy, or perhaps she has been listening to her mother grumble about the guy for too long, or it could be that she has some other reason for wanting to break up.  In any case, sometimes the girlfriend is the one to end the relationship.

Yet this is not always the end of everything--many times, the girlfriend will contact the guy, wanting another go at the relationship.  This is not such an easy decision to make for the guy.  "My girlfriend dumped me, but now she expects me to just take her back as if nothing happened?"  How is a guy supposed make that type of decision?

If you have found yourself in this type of situation, you have come to the right place.  Here's a guideline you can follow that contains suggestions to help you come to an answer as to whether or not to take your girlfriend back.  Read on for tips on how to reach your final decision.

In order to make a rational determination (in other words, one that is not simply based upon a need or want for sex), it is necessary to do some solid thinking.  Emotions must be cut out of the initial decision-making process.  Yes, this may be difficult if you really love her; however, emotions can cloud your thinking so it is best to block them from your thoughts.

Now, when thinking about whether or not to take your girlfriend back, you need to first think about why it is that she left in the first place.  Did she leave to be with another guy?  Did she break up because she wanted some space?  Or did she dump you because her friends thought she could do better (as in find a better-looking/richer/whatever type of guy)?  The reason she left will give you a big clue as to if you should give her another chance or not.  For instance, if you think she is truly sorry for listening to her friends or that she got the space she needed and is now missing you, maybe another chance would be a good idea. But if she left you for another guy...well, that might mean she wasn't satisfied with you--and that she might cheat on you or leave you again in the future.

Next, consider why she came back after she dumped you.  This, too, will give you good insight.  If she suddenly realized how wonderful you are, take her back.  If she came back because she couldn't find anyone else, though, you'd be making a mistake to try the relationship again.

Think carefully before taking a girlfriend back--"my girlfriend dumped me" isn't the end of the world.

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I am an explorer of the web world. I scout for interesting and useful things in the net and share my findings with all those interested in them.